my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
