well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
