for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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