I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
