I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
