He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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