She announced her abortion via fbk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
