just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
