Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
is it fun? or sober?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
