Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
