So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
