i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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