I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
