My brain says no but my pants say off.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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