well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
