I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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