I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
