Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
