i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
