well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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