i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
MIDGETS
????
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
