Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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