My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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