I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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