We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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