woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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