He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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