If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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