Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Will you blow on my dice?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
