i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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