I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How external is "for external use only"?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
