Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
