You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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