he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
