I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize