The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
