Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
