dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
