You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
