Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
