sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
