My first STD was from a foam party
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
