He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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