That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
