She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
