she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have aggressive nipples.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
