You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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