I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
