Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
