I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
