Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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