you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
