I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
