Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish you could order shots online.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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