The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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