I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
