Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
