I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
