dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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