i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
