Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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