Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
