Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Text me some of your sweat
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
