if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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