apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
