You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
