Will you blow on my dice?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
