dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
