I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
