We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
