Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
