first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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